Somebody get me through this nightmare.....

I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

I can't escape myself
So many times I've lied
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

Of course there’s a song that can sum up what I feel. That's what band geeks do.

One text makes me go from happy to angry and then I do over the top things to distract myself. I am a force of nature when I get like that – I am very well aware of that. And like a tornado-cane, I will pull others into my path.

I know that I made that choice to be angry - I could have ignored it, but I reacted. End result is that I regret some of my actions and feel compelled to apologize because I did not reign in my spontaneous side.

So how long am I going to continue to react to a situation that is beyond f-ed up and totally out of my control? I normally cover it well, but I was overcompensating the other night. Not an excuse by any means – just a bad decision.

I do love being up in this area, but it's missing something - I feel like I'm treading water – distracting myself and killing time until I figure out what to do with my life. At times I feel like a shark - I have to keep moving or I will die.

Not crazy, just confused. And sick and tired of not having the clarity that I used to have.

Argh.

PS. I truly am sorry. You know who you are - not sure if you read this or not - but I had to say it "in public". You rock in many ways that you don't always get credit for and my life would not be the same if you were not in it.