Grey Gardens...

True to form – I found something new and have to research it until I have read everything about it. Here’s the Wiki - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grey_Gardens

I can’t even imagine living like that – it was a gorgeous house and they just let it rot around them. Was it really pure stubbornness to not leave the place? They seem happy in their own unique way.

I watched the original documentary first and then the recent HBO movie which had parts of the documentary and also some of the back story – absolutely wonderful job by Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange!

Then I had to find pictures of the house the way that it was, read the old articles and question my parents about what they remembered. (it was right around the time that they got married, so they don’t remember it – bummer)

I’m still reading up about it – here’s a rather informative blog if you want to take a look yourself - http://greygardensnews.blogspot.com

Bloody Brilliant….

The Scarlet Pimpernel - one of my favorite movies - great storyline – everyone is up to something and pushing their own agenda.

Funny how it all works out in the end….

It was adapted as a musical - the songwriters brought us these gems:

Now gaze on our goddess of justice
With her shimmering, glimmering blade
As she kisses these traitors, she sings them a last serenade

Sing, savour the sting
As she severs you, Madame Guillotine
Slice, come paradise
Hail her Majesty!Madame Guillotine!

They also came up with the song below (my favorite). By this point in the story, everyone is lying to everyone and has double crossed each other at least twice. (the passion comes through even on the recording)

Throw in Chauvelin gliding in through the fog on Madame Guillotine and it gives me chills.

The Riddle

See the moon slink down in the sky, darling
Let your fantasies fly, darling
Life is cold, and the game is old
Just see how virtue repays you
You turn and someone betrays you
Betray him first
And the game's reversed!

For we all are caught in the middle
Of one long treacherous riddle
Can I trust you?
Should you trust me too?

We shamble on through this hell
Taking on more secrets to sell
Till there comes a day when we sell our souls away!

Through the mist your lover is beckoning
Comes that moment of reckoning
Faces change, even smiles grow strange
And we all have so many faces
The real self often erases
Enticing lies flicker through our eyes

Feel the terror draw ever nearer
The more you stare in the mirror
But hold your own
Face the wind alone

Reel on, love!
Toughen your scars
Year by year we're falling like stars
Till there comes a day when we well our souls away!

Can I run to you? Are you true to me?
I'll do unto you as you do to me!
And we slowly learn someone has to burn
Better you than me!

Oh, every Judas once loved a Jesus
But finally treason will seize us
And only fools follow golden rules

We all are caught in the middle
Of one long treacherous riddle
Of who trusts who, maybe I'll trust you
But can you trust me?
Wait and see!

And Furthermore...

I really do hate telling people bad news or bad things.

Mainly, I don’t want to hurt their feelings or cause them pain.

So, I keep it inside….sometimes it builds up….

Then when it comes out, they are a bit surprised at the passion behind it.

Passive aggressive? Or just someone who grew up in a house full of fighting and I want to avoid it at all costs/not have it in my life?

I know I refrain from being bluntly candid with some people when they don’t have any problems doing that with me.

"Personal"...

One of the biggest things that has bugged me about blogging is the "personal" factor. It's a spot for some to rant, others use it it to lash out, some overshare details and others use it to leave cryptic notes.

It's a place where things that can't be unsaid. It will be there forever - in writing - in black and white (or whatever color you chose for your text).

I just need to say this - I’m being pushed – I don’t like it – never have and never will. I am trying to resist lashing out because if that happens, it’s not going to be pretty.

So, back to dealing with the other stuff and doing all the back up work required for a non-rash decision.

This is just meant to be a random snippet of my brain. Yes, there are things going on/changes being made - but it's not for public consumption....yet.

Lyric Jumble....

I love that there always seem to be a song that is appropriate to the moment....these snippets just shows that my brain is currently all over the place...

Now Breathe…Release….Breathe…Release….Breathe…..Release, Release, Release……

But if you open your mouth then I can’t be responsible for quite what goes in orto care what comes out, so just pull on your hair, just pull on your pout….

Oh, but then, as my life has been altered once, it can change again. Build higher walls around me! Change every lock and key! Nothing lasts. Nothing holds all of me. My heart's far, far away, home and free!

Caught on a one-way street, the taste of bittersweet, Love will survive somehow, some way…

And we sense the danger, But don't wanna give up, Cause there's no smile of an angel, Without the wrath of God….

This is your captain with no name speaking, And I’m here to rock your world, With a tale that will soon be classic, About a woman you already know, No prostitute she, but the mayor of your brain...

You are my home, You make me strong, And in this world of strangers, I belong to someone, You are all I know, You're all I have, I need you so

Fools said I, you do not know, Silence like a cancer grows….

Words are weapons, Sharper than knives…..

Questions from the Weekend….

Which steam mop do you have? (or what does your cleaning lady use?)

Can I see your toys?

Because she’s funny when she gets pissed, can we talk about this topic again?

How can I get more of the chocolate-peanut butter yummy goodness?

Will they Crack Island it?

Isn’t it impossible to not joke when the phrase “I blew out three balls” comes into play?

“When was your last tetanus shot?”

How subtle was the “Marco!!” when walking outside. (just in case there were shenanigan’s)?

Where is the chunk missing from my flip flop? (And seriously, when did that happen?!?!)

Would I have eaten the hunk of banana chocolate chip cake that I dropped had it not been replaced so quickly?

How did the steam mop get rid of the hairspray so easily? (and why did I not realize this sooner??)

Will I stop feeling like you shoved me out of something I introduced you to? (was that passive aggressive?)

Are the quadropeds traumatized by yesterday’s cleaning rampage?

How long will Thelma live in the new vacuum’s box?

Will I ever stop answering the phone at 4:45 am?

Meh to Hmph...

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Emotional Cataclysm?

I knew that it was inevitable.

Saying it out loud made it real for both of us.

Thank you for being as upset as I was (if not more).

“Don’t do anything rash.” Heh, when has that ever been the case?

It’s tough to not see it as manipulation and deceit winning though.

You also gave me the power to hurt you. I never would nor could do it. (partly because it would hurt me at the same time)

I need you in my life as much as you need me.

Amazingly you have not stopped my plans, just given them more clarity.

Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)....

Glad that it's running through both of our heads....


Here we stand
Worlds apart, hearts broken in two, two, two
Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I'm reaching for you, you, you

Feelin' that it's gone
Can change your mind
If we can't go on
To survive the tide love divides

Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched
And went our separate ways

Troubled times
Caught between confusions and pain, pain, pain
Distant eyes
Promises we made were in vain, vain, vain

If you must go, I wish you love
You'll never walk alone
Take care my love
Miss you love

Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched
And went our separate ways

I still love you girl
I really love you girl
And if he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
No, No

Landmine….

The code – you say the topic and I say “Landmine”.

Good job bypassing it and hitting a “Bomb” instead.

Have you recovered from the blast yet?


I haven’t.

On or Off?

7 years on and 7 years off? Is that supposed to be the trend?

I took the time to recover and do something practically mindless. It’s time to go and get the rest of it done. I need to get my act together again.

Spending time with some of the select few who know me very well and know my soul helps. The ones that know how to motivate me just by being themselves. The ones that will and have always given their critiques in a way that inspires. The ones who remind me who I am and where I want to be.

One conversation went from "Look what I found" to "Not to sound all Jedi on you, but if you search your feelings and still believe that XX is the place for you, then you should go. Search your feelings....."

“Why aren’t you doing that? What is keeping you there?” is the best question of the past week. Truth be told, there is no clear cut answer. But I know that once I make the decision to do it, I will be gone in a month.

Oompa Loompah....

Thank goodness this did not happen when I worked in a mall!!

Oompa Loompah Causes Mall Chaos

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20291949,00.html

Where The Moose Play...

Thoughts as I drove home from the V-T yesterday:

Sheep do not respond to "Moo!" at all.

Legends like Willie Nelson, John Cougar Mellencamp & Bob Dylan are worth seeing in concert.

Very old hippie couples on some fun drugs are sometimes more fun to watch than Bob Dylan.

Smelling bacon wakes me up very quickly.

I now know how to put a top of a Jeep back on in record speed!!

Jethro making sure that he said good night and enjoying my rendition of “I Believe I Can Fly” while using his basset-hound-like ears as a prop.

Moose hanging out in the bathroom when I did my hair and sneaking kisses when I would bend down.

Black raspberries are vicious but worth the danger involved in picking them.

I manage to keep getting hit on when I think I look like hell - by guys who think that I’m 5 years younger than I really am.

Baby cows do not care if you call them veal - the farmer might get a bit miffed.

There’s the inevitable let down from a good weekend with a very good friend who I have not seen in two years. I was in no mood to rush back to the reality of all the things that need to be changed...

Instant Info...

In this day and age - certain things are not forgotten - so well documented that you never know when and where it will show up. (all I was doing was making a S’more, I had no idea he was in the pic….sheesh)

But with everything being recorded we have a history vault full of films. I recently watched both Barbaros' Preakness race as well as Eight Belles’ Kentucky Derby race – both ending in injury and ultimately death for the animals.

People have taken the footage and set it to music - complete tear jerkers - the songs were the clinchers. Had it been just a few decades ago, it would have been preserved for "Race Memories” montages and maybe someone has the copy on a VHS tape somewhere.

Now, there is instant gratification and an instant answer when I said "Who's Barbaro?". I wanted more information, so I read the Wiki's on both horses. Then I had to go look at puppies to get my smile back.

It’s the same era where kids will never have to live with a bad photograph. A few short years ago, if you had a bad school portrait, it went in the yearbook - forever.

Interesting times.

Notes...

So many notes that need to be written out.

Guaranteed to bring on alot of pain despite the fun things that have happened.

Do I stay true to the one entry a day as my stubborn self wants to?

It all happened and it's documented.

I can't gloss over it.

Do I really want to document all the pain?

Do I really want to relive it all?

Is it better to just keep what I remember?

Sing...Sing A Song.....

Sometimes you just need a dose of the Muppets...

"We don't do anything small!"

Proving once again that "We don't do anything small!" *snicker* - the weekend was quite full of big things.

Friday – a trek into Boston (nice to stay local for a bit!) and some quality time getting to know a new friend. (interpret that how you want – I had a good time….)

Saturday - What started as “I wanna go to the casino” became TGHH – The Great Hooker Hunt….yup, it became a quest……We got points for random whores, douchebags and their skanks and the wannabe hoochies. Bonus points to Silent J - the last person that I expected to be the first to find the hookers! I still think that we should have tagged them, released them back into the wild and tracked their habits. So then we needed a new quest – “Asian is the new hooker!” Kudos to the crew for keeping me awake as I drove back – I popped in “The Trainwreck Sessions” and the conversation kept going.

Sunday – (Keeping track of the little amount of sleep I got? It manifests itself later….)
We were up early – Warped Tour day. Proud of Instrument, excited to see H.I.M. (oh wait, that’s H.T.M. Boo!!!), umm, excited to see a bunch of bands and have fun in the sun! We handed out flyers to the crowds at the gate, wondered why some people don’t shower (“I should be in church and smell like a used hooker!”), wandered around, collected stickers, pondered people’s wardrobe choices, failed at smushing cans and randomly hunted for shade.

Yeah - I was done by the end of Sunday - sunburned, tired and cranky - yet I still found time to take a phone call. An ambitious weekend all around and lots of new memories to enjoy…..

I Feel Better Now....

Silly universe - you and this whole balance thing....

There's so much to recap - I'm still sorting it out - the good, the bad and the ugly....or should I say skanky since there were wannabe hookers involved?

But my last conscious thought brought on a grin again - all from the phone call that had just taken place...nice way to end the weekend...

Just Because....

For a multitude of reasons and to a multitude of people.....

It needs to be said.....

I can't say it to you in person since it can't be un-said.....

"F*&K YOU"

Yes, all caps.....

That is all.....

Chuckle For The Day....

I just a call from an escort service - they provide escort cars for overdimensional loads.

BUT, he starts the call with "I'm calling from an escort service - do you handle all the escorts?" As a matter of fact I do...

A nice dovetail to the email train that I have had going on all afternoon. I was one upped during a double-entendre exchange - impressive!!